Pregnancy Dreams

People always say you have crazy dreams when you're pregnant.  I thought I'd start a log of some of the weird dreams I've had so far during this pregnancy.

Dream #1 - I had this dream around 8 weeks.  I dreamed that I gave birth to some fish and a turtle.  I remember being slightly disappointed in my dream because I was really counting on a human baby, but decided sometimes things don't turn out as expected and I would love them anyway.  Interesting...

Dream #2 - I had this dream last night (around 10.5 weeks) - I was out at a bar with (I think) my husband and I was drinking a beer.  I didn't think anything of it.  Then when my pint was almost gone, I realize, "Oh my God, I'm drinking!  I can't be drinking!" I had totally forgotten that I was pregnancy, which is just really funny to me because in real life I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about being pregnant or thinking about the babies.  It's just weird that I could actually forget that I was pregnant...

Less than 1%

It's been over a week now, and I'm finally getting to the point where I can talk about it without crying.  Our appointment last Thursday was life-changing.  LIFE.  CHANGING.  We discovered something that day that we never in our wildest dreams expected.

We went in for our 9 week ultrasound.  We walked into the same room that we'd walked in so many times before.  Two weeks before, we had our first ultrasound in that very same room and saw not one...but two little miracles.

This time, we started the ultrasound and our doctor was silent.  She continued for (what seemed like) forever, and still didn't stay anything.  I automatically started to tear up...not knowing why she wasn't saying anything, but assuming the worst.  Finally, I asked, "Is everything okay?"  She looked over at the nurse and asked, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"  The nurse nodded.  I frantically asked again, "What are you seeing???"  My doctor replied with a sentence I will never forget.  She said:

"Last time you were here, we told you that you were having twins.  We were wrong.  You don't have two in there.  You have three." 

I instantly started sobbing uncontrollably.  My mind just started racing with all kinds of things:

• Won't they be early? 
• How much time will they have to spend in the NICU?
• Three of everything?  How will we afford this? 
• We're going to need a new car.
• I'm never sleeping again.
• My body will be ruined.

My doctor told me to change back into my clothes and meet her in the consult room so we could discuss everything.  My husband and I walked over to the adjoining room where my clothes were.  He looked at me and just grabbed me and hugged me.  He kept telling me, "It's going to be okay.  We'll figure it out.  We'll be okay."  Meanwhile, I continued to cry my eyes out. 

We went into the consult room and waited for our doctor to come back in.  I cried and said lots of bad words.  My husband stayed calm (this is pretty much the definition of our relationship).  He's always strong when I fall apart.  After a while, our doctor came in and explained everything to us.  She said she looked over the sonogram pictures over and over again, and there are definitely three.  She said even though we only transferred two embryos, they both took and one of them split...which means we have two monozygotic twins (identical) and one dizygotic (fraternal).  The chances of this happening are less than 1%.  In fact the identicals have nothing at all to do with the fact that we did fertility treatment.  We are considered pretty high risk, particularly because we can't at this point if the two identical twins are sharing a sac.  If they are, then it's very possible one or both of them won't make it.  They're at risk for twin-to-twin transfusion and/or unequal placental sharing.  They suggested we not too tell very many people at this point....just in case.  We were also told to expect to deliver 7-8 weeks early.  We did the math and realized we could be having our babies as early as June....something I've tried not to think too much about.  We also found out that 90% of triplets spend some time in the NICU. 

It's all very scary.  And for a few days, I pretty much just cried every time I thought about it.  I'm at the point now, where I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself as much as possible.  People say God won't give you more than you can handle.  So I guess it might just be posssible that we CAN handle three babies.  It's all just so unbelievable.

Update on my Friend

In my last post, I wrote about a friend who recently went in for an ultrasound and they couldn't find the heartbeat.  I will forever be haunted by the look on her face and the pure devastation in her voice when she told me.  I went home that night and just cried and cried.

However, the story does not end there.  She went in for a D&C on Wednesday.  She called me around 2:00 and said she had some interesting news.  She was all ready to go....was dressed in the hospital gown and had her IV in, when she felt like she needed to have another ultrasound to confirm that there wasn't a heartbeat.  They did the ultrasound and sure enough, there was a strong heartbeat.

When she told me this, my jaw dropped.  To think what could have happened had she not insisted on that ultrasound.  It makes me sick, but also so incredibly happy for her that she still has her baby.

What I don't understand is why it isn't just common practice to do a confirmation ultrasound before a D&C.  It makes me angry what COULD HAVE happened and things need to be done so that this doesn't happen to other people.

But regardless of all that, I'm just so incredibly happy for my friend.

Feeling Sad

I found out today that a dear friend of mine just had a miscarriage.  She was 11 weeks along and was due just two weeks before me.  She went in yesterday for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. 

All day long, my heart just ached for her.  I can't imagine the pain and loss she and her husband are experiencing right now.  They tried for a very long time to get pregnant and she was so unbelievably excited about this baby.

It just makes me so sad.  At the end of the day, it could have happened to anyone.  Including me.

So despite the fact that I felt nauseous all day, I felt like I had no choice but to just embrace it.  To welcome the sickness wholeheartedly, knowing that right now my babies are safe inside me....and praying to God that's where they'll stay for the next 7 months.

Morning Sickness

Well, it's official.  Morning sickness (times 2) has taken over my body.  I've been feeling nauseous for 2 weeks now, but yesterday was the first day I threw up.  I've been beyond lazy these past two days.  I pretty much just spend all day every day on the couch or in beds.  And I literally can't take enough naps.  I'm just SO tired!  On top of all this, I've also been battling a cold now for about a week.  I think I may be starting to feel better from that though, so I guess that's something.

Needless to say, these babies are definitely doing their job growing and making sure I know it!

First (real) Ultrasound

The hubby and I went in Thursday for our first real ultrasound.  I say "real" because at this point, I've had like ten, but none of those first nine were all that exciting since we were just staring at my empty uterus.

Thursday was different.  We went in feeling a little nervous.  No particular reason.  Everything up to this point has gone well.  I've definitely felt pregnant (sore boobs, nausea, intensified sense of smell, dry mouth).  But knowing this would be the first time seeing our baby just made us nervous.  We were both just hoping for a great healthy baby.

Turns out, we got more than just that.

The picture isn't super clear, but that is definitely two (not one) sacs!  We're having twins!  I go back in for another ultrasound on the 17th to hopefully get a better look at our beautiful BABIES!  We're very excited.