The good news is...my OHSS symptoms have mostly diminished. I'm still not 100%, but I'm feeling so much better than I was in that department. The bad news is...the morning sickness has officially kicked in. I noticed some nausea starting Friday evening when we were about to head out of town for my family Christmas. I had another "moment" yesterday (late afternoon/early evening). Tonight, it's worse. I napped for a couple hours this afternoon. Since I got up, I've been feeling pretty rough. I tried eating a little bit, which I thought would help, but it didn't really. I've had two things this evening that have made me gag, and I had to run to the bathroom once. I've yet to actually throw up, but I don't doubt that it may happen.
For now, I'm waiting for the hubby to get home with ice cream.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Letter to Baby
Dear Baby (or Babies J),
Daddy and I were so excited to find out about you this week. You should know that we’ve been hoping and dreaming of you for a very long time. I’ve cried a lot over this past year…worried that you might never come. But I now know that it just took some extra time to create something so perfect.
I found out about you five days ago on December 11th. It was a Tuesday morning. Your daddy had already gone to work and I was lying in bed thinking about the possibility of you. This is something I’ve done countless times over the past year. I was supposed to find out about you the next day by going in to my doctor’s office for a blood test, but I just couldn’t wait that long. So I took a digital home pregnancy test. After three minutes, I grabbed the stick and saw the words “Pregnant”. I instantly became giddy and couldn’t stop smiling.
I decided at that moment, that I would come home from work over lunch to tell your daddy. I put the positive pregnancy test in a gift bag with a book I bought almost a year ago called, “Dude, You’re Gonna Be a Dad!” When your daddy came home from lunch, I told him I had an early Christmas present for him. He opened it and I instantly saw a look of relief come across his face.
That was less than a week ago. Since then I’ve had two blood tests that have confirmed that you really are in there. I’ve been trying to take care of myself by eating more vegetables. I’m making your daddy eat them too! J We can’t wait to meet you in August!
Love,
Mommy
Friday, December 14, 2012
More Good News!
I had my second beta today. My number more than doubled. It went from 231 to 527. So everything is continuing to look good! I'll go in for my 3rd test next Monday or Tuesday. SO EXCITING! Now, if I could just get these OHSS symptoms under control....
Thursday, December 13, 2012
We're Prego!
I came home for lunch (which I NEVER do) so I could tell the hubby. I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to take the afternoon off. Earlier that morning, I wrapped up the pregnancy test (after wiping it down with a Clorox wipe) with a book I bought him almost a year ago called "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!" As we sat down to eat lunch, I told him I had an early Christmas present for him. I had him open the bag. He saw the book first and I don't really think he knew what to think. Then I told him there was something else in there. He found the positive pregnancy test and I saw a look of relief take over his face. He had been feeling really anxious all day long and I think it was safe to say he was happy to hear (or should I saw SEE) the good news.
Of course the beta yesterday just confirmed everything. I go back again tomorrow to see if my number has doubled. Then I'll go in again on Tuesday. I'm so excited! I just want to tell everyone...but of course, it's too early for that. So, instead I'll just tell the Internet (this is an anonymous blog). So, blog world strangers...WE'RE PREGO!!!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Progesterone Shots
One thing I've dreaded from the beginning of this whole IVF thing was the progesterone shots. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of needles. You really can't be when going through this whole thing. In the last month and a half, I've given myself 65 shots in the stomach and I've had my blood drawn 8 times. When I had my surgery, it took 3 attempts to get my IV in. Needles I can do.
However, all the shots I've had to give myself so far have been subcutaenous (just under the skin) shots into my stomach. The needles were either little insulin needles or 27 gauge, 1/2 inch long needles (both pretty small). These progesterone in oil shots are 22 gauge needles that are an inch and half long. They're huge. And they're intramuscular shots, which means they're injected directly into my butt. Yikes!
I had to take my first one yesterday. Since they go in my butt, I can't really do them myself, so ny hubby has gotten to do the honors. I'm not going to lie...I was terrified the first time. I iced it for 5-10 minutes beforehand, because I had heard that numbing it a bit can help relieve some of the pain. The hubs didn't seem to have any nerves about stabbing a giant needle in my butt. In fact, I fear he may have even liked it a little. But when it was all said and done...it really didn't hurt bad at all!
Today's went well too, though now that the numbness has worn off, my butt muscle is a little sore. The point is...I've survived two days of progesterone shots. I feel like I can tackle the world!
However, all the shots I've had to give myself so far have been subcutaenous (just under the skin) shots into my stomach. The needles were either little insulin needles or 27 gauge, 1/2 inch long needles (both pretty small). These progesterone in oil shots are 22 gauge needles that are an inch and half long. They're huge. And they're intramuscular shots, which means they're injected directly into my butt. Yikes!
I had to take my first one yesterday. Since they go in my butt, I can't really do them myself, so ny hubby has gotten to do the honors. I'm not going to lie...I was terrified the first time. I iced it for 5-10 minutes beforehand, because I had heard that numbing it a bit can help relieve some of the pain. The hubs didn't seem to have any nerves about stabbing a giant needle in my butt. In fact, I fear he may have even liked it a little. But when it was all said and done...it really didn't hurt bad at all!
Today's went well too, though now that the numbness has worn off, my butt muscle is a little sore. The point is...I've survived two days of progesterone shots. I feel like I can tackle the world!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Post Surgery Update
I went in at 7:15 yesterday morning for my egg retrieval surgery. Long story short - they were able to retrieve 15 eggs during the procedure, which my husband and I were both pleased with. After about an hour in recovery, I was able to go home. I felt okay, until my pain pills started to wear off. I'm one of those people who can't seem to take anything for pain without horrid side effects. Hydrocodone (Lortab/Vicodin) makes me vomit, propoxyphene (Darvocet) makes my tongue swell, and apparently oxycodone (Percocet)makes me itchy. And to think some people use these drugs recreationally. No thank you!
We decided to go with the lesser of three evils and have my doctor prescribe Percocet. We ran into a problem, however, when the pharmacy at the hospital (where James was planning on picking up my prescription during my surgery) didn't carry Percocet. So, the doctor gave him a paper script and told him to take it to our pharmacy on the way home (they won't accept faxed scripts for heavy narcotics). James dropped me off first and helped me get settled on the couch, then went to get my prescription filled. Turns out the doctor didn't sign the script, so they wouldn't fill it. We had to make numerous phone calls to get things figured out and James ended up having to go across town, back to my doctor's office, to get a SIGNED script, then back to the pharmacy to get it filled. In the meantime, I had a nice 2 hour long window of no pain pills in my system. NOT GOOD! Luckily, I had some ibuprofen that I was able to take in the meantime.
The rest of the day I spent resting on the couch. Once I got the Percocet, I was able to stay on top of the pain for the most part, but was feeling really nauseous. It's hard to say what was causing it...could've been the anesthesia, pain pills, other medicine, stomach bug (since I wasn't feeling very well the day before the surgery either). Anyway, since then, that's been the biggest annoyance. The actual pain from the surgery itself is nothing compared to the feeling of needing to vomit everytime you sit up or open your eyes
I slept okay last night and have continued to rest on the couch all of today. I got a call around 11:00 from the embryologist. Out of the 15 eggs they retrieved, they were able to inject 14 of them using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). Out of those 14, 6 of them fertilized. I'm kind of disappointed that less than half of them fertilized, but we can only hope that everything will go smoothly from here and on Day 5...maybe we'll still have 6 healthy embryos!
We'll get our next embryo report on Monday. They're going to leave them alone until then so they can grow like crazy!
Hoping for a good report Monday!
We decided to go with the lesser of three evils and have my doctor prescribe Percocet. We ran into a problem, however, when the pharmacy at the hospital (where James was planning on picking up my prescription during my surgery) didn't carry Percocet. So, the doctor gave him a paper script and told him to take it to our pharmacy on the way home (they won't accept faxed scripts for heavy narcotics). James dropped me off first and helped me get settled on the couch, then went to get my prescription filled. Turns out the doctor didn't sign the script, so they wouldn't fill it. We had to make numerous phone calls to get things figured out and James ended up having to go across town, back to my doctor's office, to get a SIGNED script, then back to the pharmacy to get it filled. In the meantime, I had a nice 2 hour long window of no pain pills in my system. NOT GOOD! Luckily, I had some ibuprofen that I was able to take in the meantime.
The rest of the day I spent resting on the couch. Once I got the Percocet, I was able to stay on top of the pain for the most part, but was feeling really nauseous. It's hard to say what was causing it...could've been the anesthesia, pain pills, other medicine, stomach bug (since I wasn't feeling very well the day before the surgery either). Anyway, since then, that's been the biggest annoyance. The actual pain from the surgery itself is nothing compared to the feeling of needing to vomit everytime you sit up or open your eyes
I slept okay last night and have continued to rest on the couch all of today. I got a call around 11:00 from the embryologist. Out of the 15 eggs they retrieved, they were able to inject 14 of them using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). Out of those 14, 6 of them fertilized. I'm kind of disappointed that less than half of them fertilized, but we can only hope that everything will go smoothly from here and on Day 5...maybe we'll still have 6 healthy embryos!
We'll get our next embryo report on Monday. They're going to leave them alone until then so they can grow like crazy!
Hoping for a good report Monday!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Rough Night (written Wednesday)
These last 24 hours have been rough. I've already been feeling really uncomfortable. I feel like my ovaries are the size of canteloupes and could explode at any moment. Walking around (particularly at work) has been a struggle and I've felt a tremendous pressure on my bladder. I guess I'm getting a sneak preview of what it's like to be preggers.
Last night I did my trigger shot (Ovidrel) and started cabergoline to prevent OHSS since my E2 levels are high. I woke up at 1 AM feeling violently ill. I had to run back and forth to the bathroom 5 different times (finally just ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor). I never actually threw up because I was so worried I'd twist an ovary or something! Needless to say, it was not a restful night and it sure wasn't easy going to work today. First graders aren't very forgiving when you don't feel good...
I talked to my nurse and she thinks the nausea was most likely due to the cabergoline. She's now going to have me take it vaginally (TMI?) instead of orally. Not all that thrilled about this...but I'll do whatever it takes to not have a repeat of last night.
Tomorrow is the big day. I'll be heading to the hospital for surgery in T minus 9 hours! I feel ready. Nervous? Yes. Excited? Absolutely. But mostly...I'm just ready to be done with all this. It's been a long road. Some parts of the IVF process were honestly not as bad as I expected them to be...while others were much tougher than I had ever anticipated. It's an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but at the same time has brought me closer to my husband and has shown me how amazingly supportive my friends and family are.
And I think it's safe to say...this baby is going to be SO wanted and SO loved.
Last night I did my trigger shot (Ovidrel) and started cabergoline to prevent OHSS since my E2 levels are high. I woke up at 1 AM feeling violently ill. I had to run back and forth to the bathroom 5 different times (finally just ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor). I never actually threw up because I was so worried I'd twist an ovary or something! Needless to say, it was not a restful night and it sure wasn't easy going to work today. First graders aren't very forgiving when you don't feel good...
I talked to my nurse and she thinks the nausea was most likely due to the cabergoline. She's now going to have me take it vaginally (TMI?) instead of orally. Not all that thrilled about this...but I'll do whatever it takes to not have a repeat of last night.
Tomorrow is the big day. I'll be heading to the hospital for surgery in T minus 9 hours! I feel ready. Nervous? Yes. Excited? Absolutely. But mostly...I'm just ready to be done with all this. It's been a long road. Some parts of the IVF process were honestly not as bad as I expected them to be...while others were much tougher than I had ever anticipated. It's an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but at the same time has brought me closer to my husband and has shown me how amazingly supportive my friends and family are.
And I think it's safe to say...this baby is going to be SO wanted and SO loved.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Cycle Day 10
I went in for my final ultrasound and blood work today. They ended up counting 20 follicles (11 in the left and 9 in the right). 8 of those measured at 18 mm or higher, which means those 8 are ready. My nurse suggested waiting one more day to see if we could get more of them to that size. So we tentatively made the plan for a Friday retrieval, pending my estradiol results (if estradiol gets too high, you're at risk for OHSS - ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome).
Later in the afternoon, I got the call back from my nurse with my estradiol levels. They want them to be no higher than 3,000. Mine were 3829. They decided to bump our egg retrieval to Thursday morning. Another day of stims could result in OHSS and we definitely don't want to go there!
So, tonight I will take one final dose of Lupron (no Menopur, Gonal-F, or HCG). Then at exactly 9:45 (it has to timed perfectly), I will take Ovidrel, which is the trigger shot that matures the eggs. In addition to this, I will start an oral medication called Cabergoline tonight to help prevent OHSS. I will have to take this for the next 7 days. My nurse informed me that it can cause dizziness and if I get too dizzy from it, I can take it as a vaginal suppository. That doesn't sound all that fun to me, so hopefully I'll do fine with taking it orally.
Thursday morning, I report to the surgical center at 7:15 AM. My husband will supply his specimen at that time. We will know before I leave the hospital how many eggs they were able to retrieve.
I'm starting to feel both excited and nervous. I kind of wish we had that one more day to hopefully get more mature eggs, but I trust my doctor/nurse know what they're doing. I obviously don't want to put myself at risk of getting OHSS by stimming one more day.
Just hoping I have enough eggs for this to be successful and hopefully have some leftover to freeze for the future!
Later in the afternoon, I got the call back from my nurse with my estradiol levels. They want them to be no higher than 3,000. Mine were 3829. They decided to bump our egg retrieval to Thursday morning. Another day of stims could result in OHSS and we definitely don't want to go there!
So, tonight I will take one final dose of Lupron (no Menopur, Gonal-F, or HCG). Then at exactly 9:45 (it has to timed perfectly), I will take Ovidrel, which is the trigger shot that matures the eggs. In addition to this, I will start an oral medication called Cabergoline tonight to help prevent OHSS. I will have to take this for the next 7 days. My nurse informed me that it can cause dizziness and if I get too dizzy from it, I can take it as a vaginal suppository. That doesn't sound all that fun to me, so hopefully I'll do fine with taking it orally.
Thursday morning, I report to the surgical center at 7:15 AM. My husband will supply his specimen at that time. We will know before I leave the hospital how many eggs they were able to retrieve.
I'm starting to feel both excited and nervous. I kind of wish we had that one more day to hopefully get more mature eggs, but I trust my doctor/nurse know what they're doing. I obviously don't want to put myself at risk of getting OHSS by stimming one more day.
Just hoping I have enough eggs for this to be successful and hopefully have some leftover to freeze for the future!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Cycle Day 6 - Good News!
Wow, what a day! After hosting 20 people yesterday for Thanksgiving, I got up early this morning for my 7:45 AM doctor's appointment. Since I had family in town, my husband stayed home to entertain and I had my sister come with me.
Technically, the doctor's office wasn't open today (because of the holiday), but because there were women that had to have scans done, a couple nurses came in for a few hours to get everyone done. I was kind of worried there would be a long wait since they told everyone who needed to be seen to come in at 7:45, but I ended up being quite impressed with how quickly I was able to get in and out of there. I was first in line to get my labs done and I only had to wait like 5 minutes in the waiting room before going in for my ultrasound.
During my ultrasound, they found 6 follicles in my right ovary and 11 in my left. 17 follies? Not bad! They measured kind of small, which my nurse said wasn't bad, it just meant they weren't quite ready yet. We decided to change my Monday ultrasound appointment to Tuesday, when she thinks they should be more ready. That means the retrieval will probably end up being next Thursday or Friday.
Nurse Marci called me later in the morning to inform me that my estradiol levels are looking great. At this point they want them around 600 and mine were 743, which I guess is good! This was a relief after hearing on Tuesday that they were still slightly low. I was instructed to continue my shots as is for today and tomorrow. Then starting on Sunday, I will start taking smaller doses of the Menopur, Gonal-F, and HCG.
So, it seems like we're on track with everything. This time next week, I should be recovering from my retrieval surgery! I'm really excited!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
And the cycle continues...(woohoo!)
I had my E2 (estradiol) levels checked this morning. I was really nervous about this blood test, since this was the one that caused us to have to cancel our cycle last time. I had my phone on me all day at work waiting for "the call".
My nurse finally called around 1:30. She said my levels were much better than they were last time. I went from a 40 to a 95. This is still a little on the low end, but she said we're fine to continue with our existing cycle. So the plan for now is to continue the same dose of shots that I'm taking right now. Then I'll go in Friday morning for an ultrasound to check the size of my follicles. I'll have one final ultrasound at the beginning of next week, then (hopefully) we can do the egg retrieval later in the week.
The countdown is on. Come on, stims....work your magic!
My nurse finally called around 1:30. She said my levels were much better than they were last time. I went from a 40 to a 95. This is still a little on the low end, but she said we're fine to continue with our existing cycle. So the plan for now is to continue the same dose of shots that I'm taking right now. Then I'll go in Friday morning for an ultrasound to check the size of my follicles. I'll have one final ultrasound at the beginning of next week, then (hopefully) we can do the egg retrieval later in the week.
The countdown is on. Come on, stims....work your magic!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Cycle Day 2
Yesterday (the official day 1 of my new IVF cycle), I started back up with the fertility meds: Menopur and Gonal-F, as well as Microdose Lupron and HCG. It's a total of 5 shots a day (because I have to take the Lupron in the morning and evening), but my nurse showed me how to mix the Menopur, Lupron, and HCG in the evening, so I'm actually only giving myself 3 injections a day. It took me almost 30 minutes to mix everything up last night (I feel like a chemist) but this evening I got it all done from start to finish in less than 15.
The shots are definitely not pleasant, but what's worse than the injections themselves is the constant headache I've had since Friday. At first I attributed it to a stressful week at work. Then on Sunday, I thought maybe it was a hangover because I had drowned my sorrows during the horrid K-State game (and because it was the last night I was allowed to drink). Then today it was even worse. I'm pretty sure it's the Lupron. I follow quite a few fertility blogs and headaches seem to be a common side effect of this drug with many women.
I've also been really irritable today. It could be a side effect of the drugs...or maybe I'm just grumpy. It's hard to say. It may have had something to do with the fact that I had to buy another $1500 of meds this morning.
Anyway, tomorrow's a big day. I'll go in first thing in the morning for lab work. They'll be checking my estradiol levels again and hopefully the phone call I get tomorrow afternoon will be a happy one saying I can continue my cycle. Cross your fingers!
The shots are definitely not pleasant, but what's worse than the injections themselves is the constant headache I've had since Friday. At first I attributed it to a stressful week at work. Then on Sunday, I thought maybe it was a hangover because I had drowned my sorrows during the horrid K-State game (and because it was the last night I was allowed to drink). Then today it was even worse. I'm pretty sure it's the Lupron. I follow quite a few fertility blogs and headaches seem to be a common side effect of this drug with many women.
I've also been really irritable today. It could be a side effect of the drugs...or maybe I'm just grumpy. It's hard to say. It may have had something to do with the fact that I had to buy another $1500 of meds this morning.
Anyway, tomorrow's a big day. I'll go in first thing in the morning for lab work. They'll be checking my estradiol levels again and hopefully the phone call I get tomorrow afternoon will be a happy one saying I can continue my cycle. Cross your fingers!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Shy Ovary
I went in today for blood work and an ultrasound. All my ultrasounds (I've had 5 so far) have been transvaginal. So, in the movies when you see women go in and have the wand rubbed on their belly and then a cute picture of a little peanut shows up, and they're all emotional and happy and stuff...yeah, that's not really how my experiences have been.
Rather, I have to lay there, getting probed while worrying that I might pee myself (it hasn't happened yet). And of course, there's never really anything to see...just blackness (and I guess a uterus and ovaries). Or in today's case, an ovary. While doing my ultrasound today, she looked and looked and was never able to find my right ovary. We've seen it before, so we know I have one...but I guess it was hiding. They didn't seem to be concerned about my ovary being on vacation, so I guess I won't be either.
The rest of my appointment went fine. I sat with Nurse Marci and talked about the new meds I'm going to be starting soon. I start the microdose Lupron on Friday. I have to give myself morning and evening injections for that.
Then on Sunday, I will start taking Gonal-F and Menopur again. Instead of one vial of Menopur a day, I'm now going to have to take 3 vials a day. I will start HCG shots that day as well. So, as if we hadn't yet spent enough on meds, we're going to be ordering another $1000 worth.
As my nurse said today, if it all works and we get our baby...we won't care about the cost. And if it doesn't? Well, we're going to be one really poor pissed off babyless couple.
Next Tuesday I will go back in for bloodwork. That will be the big estradiol/progesterone test that will determine whether we can move forward. I'll be glad when that day is over, because I'm still feeling a little anxious about this whole thing happening again. We're definitely making changes to prevent the low estradiol levels, I'm just hoping it's enough! I guess we'll know next Tuesday...
Rather, I have to lay there, getting probed while worrying that I might pee myself (it hasn't happened yet). And of course, there's never really anything to see...just blackness (and I guess a uterus and ovaries). Or in today's case, an ovary. While doing my ultrasound today, she looked and looked and was never able to find my right ovary. We've seen it before, so we know I have one...but I guess it was hiding. They didn't seem to be concerned about my ovary being on vacation, so I guess I won't be either.
The rest of my appointment went fine. I sat with Nurse Marci and talked about the new meds I'm going to be starting soon. I start the microdose Lupron on Friday. I have to give myself morning and evening injections for that.
Then on Sunday, I will start taking Gonal-F and Menopur again. Instead of one vial of Menopur a day, I'm now going to have to take 3 vials a day. I will start HCG shots that day as well. So, as if we hadn't yet spent enough on meds, we're going to be ordering another $1000 worth.
As my nurse said today, if it all works and we get our baby...we won't care about the cost. And if it doesn't? Well, we're going to be one really poor pissed off babyless couple.
Next Tuesday I will go back in for bloodwork. That will be the big estradiol/progesterone test that will determine whether we can move forward. I'll be glad when that day is over, because I'm still feeling a little anxious about this whole thing happening again. We're definitely making changes to prevent the low estradiol levels, I'm just hoping it's enough! I guess we'll know next Tuesday...
Friday, November 2, 2012
Our New Timeline
After the news we received Tuesday, I had to take a couple days to just be sad and mad. Then I decided I was done with that. The bottom line is, this all sucks...a lot. I thought I was going to be going into surgery next week and now I'm not. But I can't change any of it. And being pissed off isn't going to make things any better. So, I've accepted it.
With that being said, we now have a new timeline for everything. I'm currently back on birth control pills to restart the suppression phase. It seems like such a setback, but again...it's beyond my control. I will remain on the pill until 11/13. At that time, I will have to go in for my suppression ultrasound and labs to check my progesterone and estradiol again. Hopefully my levels will all be where they need to be at that time.
Assuming everything checks out normal, I will then start back up with the Dexamethasone and a new microdose Lupron on 11/16. Unfortunately, I have to throw out the old $200 vial that I already have. And instead of taking the Lupron once a day like I was previously, I will have to do morning and evening injections.
On 11/18, I will add back the Gonal-F and the Menopur injections. I will have labs to monitor everything on 11/20, 11/23, and 11/26, and I'll also have ultrasounds on 11/23 and 11/26.
Our new tentative date for the retrieval surgery is 11/28, 11/29, or 11/30 (depending on the results from my labs and scans on 11/26). The transfer will be five days after the retrieval, so that'll end up putting it on 12/3, 12/4, or 12/5.
So, that's our current timeline. Let's hope we can stick with the plan this time.
With that being said, we now have a new timeline for everything. I'm currently back on birth control pills to restart the suppression phase. It seems like such a setback, but again...it's beyond my control. I will remain on the pill until 11/13. At that time, I will have to go in for my suppression ultrasound and labs to check my progesterone and estradiol again. Hopefully my levels will all be where they need to be at that time.
Assuming everything checks out normal, I will then start back up with the Dexamethasone and a new microdose Lupron on 11/16. Unfortunately, I have to throw out the old $200 vial that I already have. And instead of taking the Lupron once a day like I was previously, I will have to do morning and evening injections.
On 11/18, I will add back the Gonal-F and the Menopur injections. I will have labs to monitor everything on 11/20, 11/23, and 11/26, and I'll also have ultrasounds on 11/23 and 11/26.
Our new tentative date for the retrieval surgery is 11/28, 11/29, or 11/30 (depending on the results from my labs and scans on 11/26). The transfer will be five days after the retrieval, so that'll end up putting it on 12/3, 12/4, or 12/5.
So, that's our current timeline. Let's hope we can stick with the plan this time.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sad and Disappointed
This morning I went in for labs to get my estradiol levels checked to make sure we can continue with our cycle as planned. I was told that if my levels aren't high enough, it's possible that they might cancel the cycle at this point. Despite hearing this, I never really thought this would happen.
I waited and waited for my doctor's office to give me a call this afternoon with my lab results. 3:00 rolled around and I still hadn't heard from them. I sent them a message via the patient portal and my nurse quickly responded with, "I'm visiting with Dr. Brabec about your results. I'll call you soon." When I saw that, I had the feeling the results weren't good. She called me a few minutes later and told me that my levels were really low. I guess they're supposed to be between 100 and 400 and mine were at 40. She said she thought my body was "over-suppressed" from the Lupron and that I would probably require a lower dose. She then told me that if we were to continue with this cycle, I probably wouldn't have very many eggs for the retrieval.
So, basically, they want to stop everything now and start over. Not only do I have to stop taking all my shots, but I also have to go back on birth control. I can't begin to tell you how sad and disappointed I am. I really thought I would be having my retrieval surgery next week. Now I'm being told, it may not happen until the last week of November. I understand that if my body isn't reacting properly, this is the best thing to do right now, but it just sucks. A LOT.
They're supposed to call me again tomorrow so we can get things figured out. We'll see what happens...
Sunday, October 28, 2012
My Tummy is a Pin Cushion
I've been taking Lupron for over a week now and it's been a piece of cake. Truly, the needles are tiny and you don't feel a thing when it's going in.
Today I added Gonal-F and Menopur to my daily injections. Not only did it take 20+ minutes to mix everything up, but I also feel like my tummy is now a pin cushion. I did the Gonal-F first and right away noticed a difference in the needle. It's not that much bigger than the Lupron needle, but it is bigger, and surprisingly, I could tell. It bled a little. Next, I did the Menopur. I'd heard from a friend that this one burns going in. And that was definitely an accurate statement. Ouch! Finally, I ended with the Lupron, because I knew that one was easy. And it hurt too! I tried to use three different injection sites, but I'm wondering if I was too close to my first injection one.
Anyway, this is what I get to do for the next 10 days. Could be worse...
Today I added Gonal-F and Menopur to my daily injections. Not only did it take 20+ minutes to mix everything up, but I also feel like my tummy is now a pin cushion. I did the Gonal-F first and right away noticed a difference in the needle. It's not that much bigger than the Lupron needle, but it is bigger, and surprisingly, I could tell. It bled a little. Next, I did the Menopur. I'd heard from a friend that this one burns going in. And that was definitely an accurate statement. Ouch! Finally, I ended with the Lupron, because I knew that one was easy. And it hurt too! I tried to use three different injection sites, but I'm wondering if I was too close to my first injection one.
Anyway, this is what I get to do for the next 10 days. Could be worse...
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Meds
Here's what $2,000+ worth of fertility meds looks like...in case you were wondering. The Gonal-F (the four tall boxes in the back) alone cost $1200. Yikes!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Japanese Customs
Our culture doesn't really do anything to acknowledge the tragedy of a miscarriage. It's often a very private matter that women (and their husbands) have to go through alone. Often times, people don't know. When they do, they don't know what to say.
The Japanese culture is quite different. In Japan, when a pregnant woman loses her child, she can go to Jizo to make an offering. People bring baby toys and gifts to the Jizo statue who is then supposed to help your "mizuko" (miscarried child) find a second way into being...either by returning to you in the form of another baby or finding another family.
The Japanese also have something called a Nanairo-no-yadorigi tree, which has symbolic ties to fertility and pregnancy. You can write a wish on a piece of paper and twist it around a tree branch to help you conceive and protect an unborn child. The custom is that when the wish is granted, you return to the tree and find and untie the paper.
I think these traditions are beautiful. And it kind of makes me want to get a tree (just a little indoor one from Home Depot or something) and do something like this. I think it would be neat.
The Japanese culture is quite different. In Japan, when a pregnant woman loses her child, she can go to Jizo to make an offering. People bring baby toys and gifts to the Jizo statue who is then supposed to help your "mizuko" (miscarried child) find a second way into being...either by returning to you in the form of another baby or finding another family.
The Japanese also have something called a Nanairo-no-yadorigi tree, which has symbolic ties to fertility and pregnancy. You can write a wish on a piece of paper and twist it around a tree branch to help you conceive and protect an unborn child. The custom is that when the wish is granted, you return to the tree and find and untie the paper.
I think these traditions are beautiful. And it kind of makes me want to get a tree (just a little indoor one from Home Depot or something) and do something like this. I think it would be neat.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Legalities
Earlier this year, I read a book called "Sing You Home" for my Book Club. It's a Jodi Picoult book about an infertile couple who turn to IVF but end up getting divorced when they lose the baby late into the woman's pregnancy. After the divorce, they end up in a law suit over the leftover frozen embryos. Needless to say, the book was pretty deep.
Today my husband and I had an appointment. During our appointment, I had the usual labs and an ultrasound done, but we also had to officially fill out all the paperwork for our IVF. Within the 25 pages that we had to sign and initial, was a clause that addressed what was to be done with the embyros if either of us died or if we got divorced. It made me think of "Sing You Home" and how real these types of issues can be. Our options were to check a box that said "Destroy the embryos" while the other box said "A court decree, Last Will and Testament, and/or settlement agreement will be presented to the clinic directing use." We chose the latter, as I can't imagine destroying the embyros (another very heavy topic that we'll save for another day).
Again, it's just crazy to think that these are the types of things you have to discuss and determine before going through with this.
Today my husband and I had an appointment. During our appointment, I had the usual labs and an ultrasound done, but we also had to officially fill out all the paperwork for our IVF. Within the 25 pages that we had to sign and initial, was a clause that addressed what was to be done with the embyros if either of us died or if we got divorced. It made me think of "Sing You Home" and how real these types of issues can be. Our options were to check a box that said "Destroy the embryos" while the other box said "A court decree, Last Will and Testament, and/or settlement agreement will be presented to the clinic directing use." We chose the latter, as I can't imagine destroying the embyros (another very heavy topic that we'll save for another day).
Again, it's just crazy to think that these are the types of things you have to discuss and determine before going through with this.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Lupron Injections
I started my Lupron injections Friday evening. This is the first round of all the shots I will be giving myself. I'd heard it's not a bad shot, but of course, I was still a little nervous doing it the first time. Because I'm a huge dork, I had my husband video tape me giving myself the shot. I'll see if I can upload the video later, though it wasn't very eventful. This shot was a piece of cake. The needle is just a little insulin needle. Very tiny. It went in very easily, and I didn't feel a thing (from the needle nor the injection of the Lupron). I can totally do this!
The fertility drug (Gonal-F, Follistim, or Menopur) I've heard will be much worse. One of my friends, S, who used the Menopur said it really burns as the liquid is going in. Not too excited about that one. And I'm REALLY not excited about the intramuscular Progesterone in Oil shots that I will have to be doing for the last part of my IVF cycle and beginning part of my pregnancy. My friend T said she's had to get these in the butt and that they hurt like hell. I'm suddenly reminded of a steroid shot I had to get in my butt a couple years ago when I had a bad case of hives. IT HURT! I can't believe I'm going to have to do that everyday for weeks (maybe months)! Obviously, it'll be worth it, but after watching a video online and seeing the size of that needle, I'm getting a little anxious. I think that will be one that the hubby has to do!
The fertility drug (Gonal-F, Follistim, or Menopur) I've heard will be much worse. One of my friends, S, who used the Menopur said it really burns as the liquid is going in. Not too excited about that one. And I'm REALLY not excited about the intramuscular Progesterone in Oil shots that I will have to be doing for the last part of my IVF cycle and beginning part of my pregnancy. My friend T said she's had to get these in the butt and that they hurt like hell. I'm suddenly reminded of a steroid shot I had to get in my butt a couple years ago when I had a bad case of hives. IT HURT! I can't believe I'm going to have to do that everyday for weeks (maybe months)! Obviously, it'll be worth it, but after watching a video online and seeing the size of that needle, I'm getting a little anxious. I think that will be one that the hubby has to do!
Friday, October 12, 2012
Sonohysterogram
I got my sonohysterogram (SHG) yesterday and HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL...it sucked! I was in no way prepared for how painful this procedure was. Earlier this year I got a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). I was told that the SHG would be pretty similar to the HSG. All these similar acronyms...are you confused yet??? Needless to say, the SHG was way worst than the HSG. This procedure had me sobbing on the table. I literally had tears streaming down my face throughout the whole thing. I had the worst pelvic pain as they were filling my uterus and I felt nauseous and like I was about to pass out. I feel like they may have had some difficulties because it lasted way longer than I had expected too. The doctor said something about finding a polyp and that she was going to "try to take care of it" to avoid surgery. I don't really know what that means. Did she remove the polyp? If so, how did she do it? Did she blast it away with the saline at a high pressure or did she scrape it away with something? All I know is whatever she did...it was incredibly painful.
Afterwards, both my doctor and nurse said, "This is the worst part of the whole thing. You're put under for the retrieval. The transfer is nothing. And even when you have a baby....at least you can get an epidural!" So, I guess at least that's good news...
On my way out, I had to stop at the pharmacy that's located at my doctor's office to pick up my first round of injections. The pharmacist behind the counter could see that I had just been through something traumatizing (my eyes were all bloodshot and my face was red and puffy from crying). She walked around the counter and, without saying anything, gave me a big hug. It was a simple gesture, but I really needed it.
Afterwards, both my doctor and nurse said, "This is the worst part of the whole thing. You're put under for the retrieval. The transfer is nothing. And even when you have a baby....at least you can get an epidural!" So, I guess at least that's good news...
On my way out, I had to stop at the pharmacy that's located at my doctor's office to pick up my first round of injections. The pharmacist behind the counter could see that I had just been through something traumatizing (my eyes were all bloodshot and my face was red and puffy from crying). She walked around the counter and, without saying anything, gave me a big hug. It was a simple gesture, but I really needed it.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Our IVF Timeline
It's official, we've started our IVF cycle. I'm really amazed at how optimistic I'm being about all this. I keep finding myself saying "WHEN we have our baby..." instead of "IF this works..." I really do believe this is going to happen. It might be something to do with our clinic's 83% success rate with couples our age undergoing IVF with ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). That's amazing odds! We're working with some of the best doctor's in the country and I trust them 100%.
One thing I really like about RRC (Reproductive Resource Center) is that they have a patient portal that you can use for correspondence with your doctors and nurses. They upload all your lab results there so you have them at your fingertips. It's pretty cool, especially for someone like me who doesn't like to use the phone. If I have a question, I can just shoot a quick message through the portal and I typically get a same day response. Love it!
We got our calendar sent to us through the portal this past week. Here's our timeline for everything:
Sept 24 - (hubby and myself) - Initial general consult, IVF consult (they don't typically do this on the same day, but I guess we're special), pelvic exam/PAP, ultrasound, labs (for both of us)
Oct 1 - Called to report the start of my period, went in for labs (just me)
Oct 2 - Started birth control pills as part of the suppression phase, also began daily low-dose aspirin (supposed to improve ovarian responsiveness, uterine and ovarian blood flow, and implantation and pregnancy rates)
Oct 11 - Go in for a Sonohysterogram (procedure where they infuse the uterus with saline via catheter and do an ultrasound to check for any abnormalities)
Oct 19 - Begin Lupron injections (also part of the suppression phase), also start taking dexamethasone (a low-dose steroid tablet (may improve egg quality)
Oct 23 - (hubby and myself) - Go in to sign and complete paperwork with a notary and make payment, also ultrasound and labs (for me), last day of birth control pills, start Z-pak (hubby and myself - to prevent infections in the reproductive tract)
Oct 28 - Begin Gonadotropin injections (used to stimulate the growth of the follicles in the ovary)
Oct 30 - Go in for labs (just me)
Nov 2 - Go in for labs and ultrasound
Nov 5 - Go in for labs and ultrasound (at that time they will determine the specific date of the retrieval...based on my scans)
Nov 6(ish) - take Ovidrel injection 34-36 hours before retrieval (to complete the maturation process of the eggs)
Nov 7, 8, or 9 - Retrieval day (done in the hospital) - I'll be put under with anesthesia while they retrieve the eggs through a needle guided by ultrasound, hubby will be required to provide a sperm sample to be used for the fertilization process. Begin progesterone injections (to help support early pregnancy).
Nov 12, 13, or 14 (five days after the retrieval) - Embryo transfer - My embryos will be 5 days old at this point and will be considered blastocysts. They will take one or two of the best looking ones to transfer back into my uterus. They will give me a valium to help relax me during the procedure which is done through a catheter. I'm on strict bed-rest for the next two days (no working, no cooking/cleaning, etc).
8 days later...I'll go into the lab to take pregnancy test (blood tests can confirm pregnancy faster and more accurately than home pregnancy tests). This will (hopefully) take place right before Thanksgiving!
One thing I really like about RRC (Reproductive Resource Center) is that they have a patient portal that you can use for correspondence with your doctors and nurses. They upload all your lab results there so you have them at your fingertips. It's pretty cool, especially for someone like me who doesn't like to use the phone. If I have a question, I can just shoot a quick message through the portal and I typically get a same day response. Love it!
We got our calendar sent to us through the portal this past week. Here's our timeline for everything:
Sept 24 - (hubby and myself) - Initial general consult, IVF consult (they don't typically do this on the same day, but I guess we're special), pelvic exam/PAP, ultrasound, labs (for both of us)
Oct 1 - Called to report the start of my period, went in for labs (just me)
Oct 2 - Started birth control pills as part of the suppression phase, also began daily low-dose aspirin (supposed to improve ovarian responsiveness, uterine and ovarian blood flow, and implantation and pregnancy rates)
Oct 11 - Go in for a Sonohysterogram (procedure where they infuse the uterus with saline via catheter and do an ultrasound to check for any abnormalities)
Oct 19 - Begin Lupron injections (also part of the suppression phase), also start taking dexamethasone (a low-dose steroid tablet (may improve egg quality)
Oct 23 - (hubby and myself) - Go in to sign and complete paperwork with a notary and make payment, also ultrasound and labs (for me), last day of birth control pills, start Z-pak (hubby and myself - to prevent infections in the reproductive tract)
Oct 28 - Begin Gonadotropin injections (used to stimulate the growth of the follicles in the ovary)
Oct 30 - Go in for labs (just me)
Nov 2 - Go in for labs and ultrasound
Nov 5 - Go in for labs and ultrasound (at that time they will determine the specific date of the retrieval...based on my scans)
Nov 6(ish) - take Ovidrel injection 34-36 hours before retrieval (to complete the maturation process of the eggs)
Nov 7, 8, or 9 - Retrieval day (done in the hospital) - I'll be put under with anesthesia while they retrieve the eggs through a needle guided by ultrasound, hubby will be required to provide a sperm sample to be used for the fertilization process. Begin progesterone injections (to help support early pregnancy).
Nov 12, 13, or 14 (five days after the retrieval) - Embryo transfer - My embryos will be 5 days old at this point and will be considered blastocysts. They will take one or two of the best looking ones to transfer back into my uterus. They will give me a valium to help relax me during the procedure which is done through a catheter. I'm on strict bed-rest for the next two days (no working, no cooking/cleaning, etc).
8 days later...I'll go into the lab to take pregnancy test (blood tests can confirm pregnancy faster and more accurately than home pregnancy tests). This will (hopefully) take place right before Thanksgiving!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Everything Happens for a Reason
I had my 10 year class reunion this past weekend. Not gonna lie...I didn't want to go. I'm from a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. When I left, I didn't really bother looking back. My parents moved away after I graduated, so there was never any reason to go back and visit. And as far as my classmates go, I don't really keep in contact with anyone outside of Facebook.
I had very little desire to go back and see everyone. In fact the only thing that really pushed me to go was the fact that my best friend from elementary school, "T", was going to be there. Her mom passed away this summer and I had to miss the funeral because I was out of the state. Needless to say, I felt bad about it all and when I saw that she had RSVPed on Facebook, I decided I would go.
So, my husband and I left town Friday evening. We had made arrangements to stay at my sister's house (who lives about 40 minutes away from my hometown). We got there around 9:00 and stayed up until midnight or so drinking wine and chatting. I'm close with my sister and it didn't take long for me to spill to her that we're going to be doing IVF. She was very supportive (and excited).
The next day, the reunion "fun" began. There was a parade in the morning and our class got to go through on a float. Oh joy. It was pretty lame and kind of put me in a bad mood because my friend who I was expecting to see didn't show up. I spent the afternoon with my family. Then that night we had a dinner followed by a party at the lake. We had been at the dinner for about an hour when T showed up. She told me that she was on her way when she found herself turning left instead of right and ended up at her grandma's house. She sat and talked with her grandma, saying she didn't really feel like going to the reunion. Luckily, Grandma told her to get back in the car and GO! It's a good thing she did. We spent the night catching up. A few hours into our conversation, the topic of children came up. I told her we'd been trying for a long time with no luck. It was then that she asked me if I had considered IVF. I told her that we were actually just getting started with IVF. She then confessed, in a hushed voice, that she was 7 weeks pregnant with twins...conceived through IVF. I couldn't believe it. Our topic of discussion then, of course, turned into injections and retrievals and transfers. She told be it took them 3 cycles to get a positive pregnancy test, but mentioned that she thought the stress of her mom dying probably played a big part in why the first two cycles didn't take. She encouraged me to stay positive and as stress-free as possible (hard to do when you teach 23 six year olds).
Anyway, by the end of the night, I felt so glad that I went. Not only did I have a great time catching up with an old friend, but I found a new support system...someone I can talk to about it all. I just goes to show you...everything happens for a reason.
IVF
Last Monday, the hubby and I went to our appointment at the infertility clinic. The doctor we requested (Dr. Riggs) had a family emergency, so we ended up having to meet with a different doctor (Dr. Brabec). Our appointment lasted about two and a half hours and consisted of a pelvic exam/pap, trans-vaginal ultrasound, labs (for both the hubby and myself), and a consultation.
We went over the semen analysis that my husband had done a couple months ago. Dr. Brabec pretty much said our only option to conceive would be IVF using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). She said with the SA numbers as low as they were, there wasn't much point in trying IUI (intraueterine insemination) and that she recommended starting right away with IVF. She said usually couples come back on another date to have their IVF consult, but since we were already there, she was able to get the IVF coordinator to come in a talk with us. She gave us a huge folder of info and talked us through everything. Then another woman came in to discuss the financial aspect of it all. When it's all said and done, it's going to cost us around $15,000.
We went to dinner afterwards and discussed it. We definitely want to move forward as soon as possible. We don't have the money to pay for it all upfront, so we're looking into a loan. Hopefully we can get all that squared away without any major hiccups.
We went over the semen analysis that my husband had done a couple months ago. Dr. Brabec pretty much said our only option to conceive would be IVF using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). She said with the SA numbers as low as they were, there wasn't much point in trying IUI (intraueterine insemination) and that she recommended starting right away with IVF. She said usually couples come back on another date to have their IVF consult, but since we were already there, she was able to get the IVF coordinator to come in a talk with us. She gave us a huge folder of info and talked us through everything. Then another woman came in to discuss the financial aspect of it all. When it's all said and done, it's going to cost us around $15,000.
We went to dinner afterwards and discussed it. We definitely want to move forward as soon as possible. We don't have the money to pay for it all upfront, so we're looking into a loan. Hopefully we can get all that squared away without any major hiccups.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Appointment Rescheduled
I found out this morning that our new patient appointment with the Reproductive Resource Center has been pushed back to September 24th now. Granted, it's only the following week after our original appointment, but I'm still incredibly frustrated. I want so badly to have this appointment over with. I need to hear from them that we have a chance.
Counting down the days until then...
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Feeling Depressed...
Not sure what my deal is, but I've been feeling really depressed lately. I don't know if it's that reality has started to sink in about all this baby stuff or if it's something else, but I've just been in a funk. Every September, my family gets together for a music festival/camping trip. We always have a lot of fun. But for whatever reason, I just don't want to go this year. It's this coming weekend...but all I want to do is sit at home in my PJ's crying in front of the TV.
Sigh...
Sigh...
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Appointment Scheduled
I got a phone call from RRC (Reproductive Resource Center) today. We've officially scheduled our appointment. The first available slot was September 20th, so we took it and they put us on the wait list in the event that any cancellations come up.
It's frustrating to have to wait so long, but at the same time, I kind of expected that.
Sigh.
It's frustrating to have to wait so long, but at the same time, I kind of expected that.
Sigh.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Update
Right now, we're playing the waiting game. We've filled out and submitted the 16 pages of paperwork needed to get things started with the Reproductive Resource Center (infertility clinic). So now we're waiting for them to call us to schedule our appointment. From what I've been told, we can expect to be seen mid-September.
I got my MMR on August 7, so by the time we have our appointment, my one month of waiting to TTC will be up. I'm not sure what this appointment will have in store for us. It may just be a consultation and a chance to discuss our options. Or maybe, we'll go ahead and start with some tests/treatment? We'll see.
I feel like we'll be able to skip over most of the diagnostic tests, because I've had so much done already. I got my Progesterone 21 test earlier this month. My levels weren't as good as I would have liked, but they definitely could have been worse. They were a little over 11, when ideally, they'd like to see them at 15 or higher.
Obviously, we just have to wait to find out what RRC will suggest for us in way of treatment. I'm assuming they'll do another semen analysis, possibly start me on Clomid, and maybe do a couple cycles of IUI (intrauterine insemination)...but we'll just have to see.
I got my MMR on August 7, so by the time we have our appointment, my one month of waiting to TTC will be up. I'm not sure what this appointment will have in store for us. It may just be a consultation and a chance to discuss our options. Or maybe, we'll go ahead and start with some tests/treatment? We'll see.
I feel like we'll be able to skip over most of the diagnostic tests, because I've had so much done already. I got my Progesterone 21 test earlier this month. My levels weren't as good as I would have liked, but they definitely could have been worse. They were a little over 11, when ideally, they'd like to see them at 15 or higher.
Obviously, we just have to wait to find out what RRC will suggest for us in way of treatment. I'm assuming they'll do another semen analysis, possibly start me on Clomid, and maybe do a couple cycles of IUI (intrauterine insemination)...but we'll just have to see.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Mind Your Own Damn Business!
I have had 3 people ask me in the last 24 hours, "When are you going to start trying to have kids?" Um...a year ago???
Seriously? Mind your own damn business! People just don't think about the things they say.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Baby Shower - To Go or Not To Go
I have a baby shower I'm supposed to go to this Sunday, and I feel terrible saying it, but I'm DREADING it. It's the shower of one of my friends who was lucky enough to get pregnant "on the first try". I love this girl and really do wish her the best, but I can't help but be hideously jealous. And I just feel disgusted with myself that I can't be overjoyed with happiness for her.
I was looking at her registries online just now because I've been putting off getting her a gift. I broke down sobbing somewhere between the nursing pads and the receiving blankets. And I'm just really worried that I won't be able to hold it together on Sunday. I feel like I should be there, but I definitely don't want to be "that girl" either. What to do...
Sigh.
I was looking at her registries online just now because I've been putting off getting her a gift. I broke down sobbing somewhere between the nursing pads and the receiving blankets. And I'm just really worried that I won't be able to hold it together on Sunday. I feel like I should be there, but I definitely don't want to be "that girl" either. What to do...
Sigh.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Infertility Treatment Bound
*Note - I started this post last Tuesday, but haven't had a chance to finish it until today.
I talked to the infertility nurse today. I shared with her the results from the semen analysis. She told me that she wanted me to fax her the results, but that it sounded like we were heading in the direction of infertility treatment. She gave me a referral to two different places around here. One of them happened to be the same doctor who helped one of my friends out with her IVF. He comes very highly recommended. So I called that office to schedule an appointment. They said they don't actually schedule new patient appointments until after you've filled out the 14 pages of paperwork accessible from their website. So I need to get that filled out and submitted so we can schedule.
In the meantime, I'm still scheduled to go into the lab tomorrow for a Progesterone 21 test. I asked the nurse if I should still do that, and she said I'd probably end up doing it eventually anyway, so I decided I'll still do it.
I also noticed on the first page of paperwork from this infertility center that I have to have immunity to Rubella before they'll move forward with any treatment. So once again, Rubella is a resurfacing issue. However, on their paperwork, they said you only have to wait one month before trying to conceive (instead of the 3 months I was told from the Women's Clinic). So, I've decided I'm just going to get that done ASAP.
I honestly never thought it would come to this, but I'm trying to keep a good attitude. I know that we likely have a long road ahead of us, full of both emotional and physical pain. Financially, I'm not sure yet how we're going to afford the infertility treatment. But we will do absolutely any and everything we can to have this baby.
I talked to the infertility nurse today. I shared with her the results from the semen analysis. She told me that she wanted me to fax her the results, but that it sounded like we were heading in the direction of infertility treatment. She gave me a referral to two different places around here. One of them happened to be the same doctor who helped one of my friends out with her IVF. He comes very highly recommended. So I called that office to schedule an appointment. They said they don't actually schedule new patient appointments until after you've filled out the 14 pages of paperwork accessible from their website. So I need to get that filled out and submitted so we can schedule.
In the meantime, I'm still scheduled to go into the lab tomorrow for a Progesterone 21 test. I asked the nurse if I should still do that, and she said I'd probably end up doing it eventually anyway, so I decided I'll still do it.
I also noticed on the first page of paperwork from this infertility center that I have to have immunity to Rubella before they'll move forward with any treatment. So once again, Rubella is a resurfacing issue. However, on their paperwork, they said you only have to wait one month before trying to conceive (instead of the 3 months I was told from the Women's Clinic). So, I've decided I'm just going to get that done ASAP.
I honestly never thought it would come to this, but I'm trying to keep a good attitude. I know that we likely have a long road ahead of us, full of both emotional and physical pain. Financially, I'm not sure yet how we're going to afford the infertility treatment. But we will do absolutely any and everything we can to have this baby.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Semen Analysis - July 2012
My husband went in for a semen analysis last Tuesday. He was referred to a place that was almost an hour away from where we live, so he did not have the option of bringing a sample in. Thus, the whole situation was very awkward for him. He kept saying he felt bad for complaining about how much he hated it, because he knew what I had to go through with my HSG.
Anyway, today he had an appointment with his doctor to go over the results. I wanted to go with him but was unable to make it because of my work. So, I told him to call me as soon as he was done. So he did...and it wasn't good news.
His concentration, morphology, and motility were all low. The concentration was listed as <5 X 10E6 (less than 5,000,000, from what I understand). According to the information his doctor gave him, the normal range was 20 million or more (20 million being on the low end of normal). So 5,000,000 is apparently pretty low. His motility was 25%, where 50% is considered normal. His morphology was 6% normal. According to the WHO (World Health Organization), you want it to be at least 30%.
So, I'm not really sure where to go from here. It doesn't look like our chances of conceiving naturally are very high. I left a message with the infertility nurse at the Women's Clinic earlier, but it was late in the day so I may not hear back from her until tomorrow.
Needless to say, I think we have a long road ahead of us.
Anyway, today he had an appointment with his doctor to go over the results. I wanted to go with him but was unable to make it because of my work. So, I told him to call me as soon as he was done. So he did...and it wasn't good news.
His concentration, morphology, and motility were all low. The concentration was listed as <5 X 10E6 (less than 5,000,000, from what I understand). According to the information his doctor gave him, the normal range was 20 million or more (20 million being on the low end of normal). So 5,000,000 is apparently pretty low. His motility was 25%, where 50% is considered normal. His morphology was 6% normal. According to the WHO (World Health Organization), you want it to be at least 30%.
So, I'm not really sure where to go from here. It doesn't look like our chances of conceiving naturally are very high. I left a message with the infertility nurse at the Women's Clinic earlier, but it was late in the day so I may not hear back from her until tomorrow.
Needless to say, I think we have a long road ahead of us.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Blessed - By Elton John
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
Sunday, July 22, 2012
HSG - July 2012
I had my hysterosalpingogram (HSG) this past Friday. I'm glad to have it over with. The actual procedure itself was not as painful as I had built it up to be in my head, but it was very awkward and uncomfortable. I'm going to go ahead and give the play-by-play for those of you who have one coming up, so you know what to expect.
As instructed by my doctor, I took 800 mg of ibuprofen about an hour before my procedure. I was told ahead of time that you can have quite a bit of cramping during the procedure, so the ibuprofen was supposed to help with that.
I went into the imaging center (different from where I normally go for doctor appointments), got checked in, and luckily only had about 5-10 minutes of waiting before being called in. I went into the back and sat down with a nurse who explained (in detail) the procedure to me. Basically, they use a speculum to open you up. Then they clean your cervix with betadyne. Next they insert a catheter (tube) and inflate a balloon inside to keep it in place. Then a contrast dye is injected into the catheter, going through your uterus to your fallopian tubes, eventually spilling out into your pelvic cavity. All the while, a series of x-rays are taken to detect any blockages you may have in your tubes. If a blockage is found, they insert the dye with more pressure in hopes of clearing the blockage.
After the nurse described the procedure to me, she asked, "Do you have anyone here with you today?" I said, "No, should I?" She said it wasn't necessary, but that sometimes women like their husbands to be with them afterwards when they hear the results. When I heard this, I started to tear up. I kept thinking, what if I find out I'm missing a fallopian tube or something? I took some deep breathes and pulled it together, signed some consent papers, then went to undress. They have you put on a gown similar to what you would wear for a Pap. The nurse also gave me little booty socks because I had been wearing flip flops and she said the room is sometimes cold.
Once I was ready, I walked into the x-ray room. I lay on the table and they took an initial x-ray of my pelvic area. Then the doctor came in and introduced himself and re-explained the procedure. I was a little anxious about having a male doctor, simply because I have always had female gynecologists. Anyway, after explaining the everything (again), they went ahead and did the procedure. I definitely felt cramps when they inserted the speculum and the catheter, but honestly, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. However, for whatever reason (could have been nerves, could have been the actual procedure), about midway through I started to get nauseous and feel like I was going to faint. I had to really concentrate on not passing out. Shortly after that, it was all over and I felt fine. They made me remain horizontal for about 10 minutes afterwards to make sure I didn't faint.
The nurse had told me that the doctor would come and speak with me about the results afterwards. However, he didn't really explain anything. He just said, "Everything looked okay at first glance. I'll look over the x-rays again and then send the results to your doctor." I didn't really know what that meant. Was my doctor then going to contact me? Or did I need to call them? Or did "everything looks okay" mean there's nothing to share? I'm guessing I would have known if he encountered any problems or blockages. Anyway, my doctor's office never called me Friday, so I might call them tomorrow to see if they have anything to share with me.
Again, I'm really glad it's behind me. I could have definitely been worse, but I think I let my anxiety get the best of me. Hopefully this is just another step closer to getting our baby!
As instructed by my doctor, I took 800 mg of ibuprofen about an hour before my procedure. I was told ahead of time that you can have quite a bit of cramping during the procedure, so the ibuprofen was supposed to help with that.
I went into the imaging center (different from where I normally go for doctor appointments), got checked in, and luckily only had about 5-10 minutes of waiting before being called in. I went into the back and sat down with a nurse who explained (in detail) the procedure to me. Basically, they use a speculum to open you up. Then they clean your cervix with betadyne. Next they insert a catheter (tube) and inflate a balloon inside to keep it in place. Then a contrast dye is injected into the catheter, going through your uterus to your fallopian tubes, eventually spilling out into your pelvic cavity. All the while, a series of x-rays are taken to detect any blockages you may have in your tubes. If a blockage is found, they insert the dye with more pressure in hopes of clearing the blockage.
After the nurse described the procedure to me, she asked, "Do you have anyone here with you today?" I said, "No, should I?" She said it wasn't necessary, but that sometimes women like their husbands to be with them afterwards when they hear the results. When I heard this, I started to tear up. I kept thinking, what if I find out I'm missing a fallopian tube or something? I took some deep breathes and pulled it together, signed some consent papers, then went to undress. They have you put on a gown similar to what you would wear for a Pap. The nurse also gave me little booty socks because I had been wearing flip flops and she said the room is sometimes cold.
Once I was ready, I walked into the x-ray room. I lay on the table and they took an initial x-ray of my pelvic area. Then the doctor came in and introduced himself and re-explained the procedure. I was a little anxious about having a male doctor, simply because I have always had female gynecologists. Anyway, after explaining the everything (again), they went ahead and did the procedure. I definitely felt cramps when they inserted the speculum and the catheter, but honestly, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. However, for whatever reason (could have been nerves, could have been the actual procedure), about midway through I started to get nauseous and feel like I was going to faint. I had to really concentrate on not passing out. Shortly after that, it was all over and I felt fine. They made me remain horizontal for about 10 minutes afterwards to make sure I didn't faint.
The nurse had told me that the doctor would come and speak with me about the results afterwards. However, he didn't really explain anything. He just said, "Everything looked okay at first glance. I'll look over the x-rays again and then send the results to your doctor." I didn't really know what that meant. Was my doctor then going to contact me? Or did I need to call them? Or did "everything looks okay" mean there's nothing to share? I'm guessing I would have known if he encountered any problems or blockages. Anyway, my doctor's office never called me Friday, so I might call them tomorrow to see if they have anything to share with me.
Again, I'm really glad it's behind me. I could have definitely been worse, but I think I let my anxiety get the best of me. Hopefully this is just another step closer to getting our baby!
Return of the Rubella Concerns - July 2012
In my last post, I talked about a procedure called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) that my friend S recommended I get. After visiting with her, I decided I needed to see if my doctor would do this. So I called up the Women's Clinic, and after playing phone tag for a while, I got a chance to speak with the infertility nurse there. I told her that I was hoping to schedule an HSG and possibly discuss the option of Clomid. She grabbed my file and looked over everything. She said she noticed that I wasn't immune to Rubella and asked if I had since gotten the vaccination. I told her no and asked if that was a problem. She said that it was and that they wouldn't do any type of fertility treatments unless I had been vaccinated. She said that she wouldn't recommend doing the HSG yet either, because many women have been known to get pregnant shortly after an HSG.
Needless to say, I was upset. I felt like this was going to be a step in the right direction, and then I was told I had to stop trying for 3 months??? I talked to my friend D about it and she was very sympathetic. We were actually together when I got a phone call back from the infertility nurse saying she wanted to speak to my doctor first before I got the Rubella, to see if she agreed that it was necessary for me to get it now. She said she'd talk to the doctor in the morning and give me a call.
The next morning, I got the phone call saying that because of its rarity, I did not have to get the Rubella vaccine at this time. So, we scheduled the HSG for the following Friday (it has to be done between days 7 and 10 of your cycle). She also told me to come in on day 21 of my cycle (Aug 1st) to get the Progesterone 21 blood test to check if I'm ovulating. I'm guessing if my progesterone levels are low, then we may start using Clomid?
Anyway, I was so relieved to know I didn't have to get the MMR vaccine and that we can continue to trying. I was also excited (though nervous) to have the HSG scheduled. This procedure has also been known to clear the tubes and increase the chances of getting pregnant, so we're crossing our fingers!!!
Needless to say, I was upset. I felt like this was going to be a step in the right direction, and then I was told I had to stop trying for 3 months??? I talked to my friend D about it and she was very sympathetic. We were actually together when I got a phone call back from the infertility nurse saying she wanted to speak to my doctor first before I got the Rubella, to see if she agreed that it was necessary for me to get it now. She said she'd talk to the doctor in the morning and give me a call.
The next morning, I got the phone call saying that because of its rarity, I did not have to get the Rubella vaccine at this time. So, we scheduled the HSG for the following Friday (it has to be done between days 7 and 10 of your cycle). She also told me to come in on day 21 of my cycle (Aug 1st) to get the Progesterone 21 blood test to check if I'm ovulating. I'm guessing if my progesterone levels are low, then we may start using Clomid?
Anyway, I was so relieved to know I didn't have to get the MMR vaccine and that we can continue to trying. I was also excited (though nervous) to have the HSG scheduled. This procedure has also been known to clear the tubes and increase the chances of getting pregnant, so we're crossing our fingers!!!
Loneliness - June 2012
One thing I can say about this whole process is that it can get very lonely. Living in a world where it seems like everyone is pregnant or having babies is hard when you're trying and miserably failing. And while my husband and I have a great relationship and are in general, really good with communication, it's not something we like to talk about often. Because the truth is...it's sad. And inevitably, if we do start talking about it, I end up crying, which I know he doesn't want to see. He's not one to really show his emotions, but even so, I know this has been really hard for him. He blames himself and says he's just sure it's all his fault. At this time, we don't know that to be true.
It's hard though, but one thing that can make it easier is finding a good support system. I have two friends who have really helped me through this process.
One is just a super good friend. D's not a mom, but wants to be in the future (after she gets married). She knows how much I want this and she's good about checking in with me and seeing how I'm doing. I can always count on her as a shoulder to cry on.
The other friend, S, is a girl who I really haven't known that long, but she is an amazingly strong woman who has been through hell and back: trouble with getting pregnant, miscarriage, in vitro, two very rough pregnancies that ended in premature births (one at 28 weeks, the other at 31 weeks). But despite all that, she has two healthy beautiful boys now. She gives me hope.
I recently had coffee with S, and we were talking about how things are going. As someone who has gone through it all, she really encouraged me to take further action in getting help. I've mentioned in previous posts that I've had blood work done and an ultrasound to check out my uterus and ovaries. S was telling me about a procedure she had done when she was trying to conceive called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). It's a procedure where you have dye injected into your Fallopian Tubes to check for any potential blockages. She recommended I ask my doctor about it.
I really enjoyed getting together with S. Not only was it nice to talk to someone who can relate to what I'm going through, but she also brought 8 week old Baby E with her! She apologized for doing so, saying she remembered how hard it was to see people with babies when she was trying to get pregnant. But for some reason, it was different seeing him. I knew what she went through to get that baby and instead of feeling angry, I felt overwhelming happy for her. I think it's because seeing him gave me a sense of hope.
It may not happen on my time frame, and it may not happen in the way I always envisioned, but I do think I will one day get the chance to hold a baby of my own.
It's hard though, but one thing that can make it easier is finding a good support system. I have two friends who have really helped me through this process.
One is just a super good friend. D's not a mom, but wants to be in the future (after she gets married). She knows how much I want this and she's good about checking in with me and seeing how I'm doing. I can always count on her as a shoulder to cry on.
The other friend, S, is a girl who I really haven't known that long, but she is an amazingly strong woman who has been through hell and back: trouble with getting pregnant, miscarriage, in vitro, two very rough pregnancies that ended in premature births (one at 28 weeks, the other at 31 weeks). But despite all that, she has two healthy beautiful boys now. She gives me hope.
I recently had coffee with S, and we were talking about how things are going. As someone who has gone through it all, she really encouraged me to take further action in getting help. I've mentioned in previous posts that I've had blood work done and an ultrasound to check out my uterus and ovaries. S was telling me about a procedure she had done when she was trying to conceive called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). It's a procedure where you have dye injected into your Fallopian Tubes to check for any potential blockages. She recommended I ask my doctor about it.
I really enjoyed getting together with S. Not only was it nice to talk to someone who can relate to what I'm going through, but she also brought 8 week old Baby E with her! She apologized for doing so, saying she remembered how hard it was to see people with babies when she was trying to get pregnant. But for some reason, it was different seeing him. I knew what she went through to get that baby and instead of feeling angry, I felt overwhelming happy for her. I think it's because seeing him gave me a sense of hope.
It may not happen on my time frame, and it may not happen in the way I always envisioned, but I do think I will one day get the chance to hold a baby of my own.
Seeking Help - April 2012
When the month of April hit, and I found myself still not pregnant, I decided to do something about it. People always say you have to be trying to conceive for a year before you can/should see a doctor. This is only partially true. While most doctors won't treat you for infertility, there are tests and other things that can be done before that one year mark.
So in mid-April, I made the decision to make an appointment with the local Women's Clinic in my community. My primary concern (other than the fact that I hadn't yet gotten pregnant) was that I was experiencing incredibly painful ovulation cramps that would last for a week or longer. I felt like this couldn't be normal. So I called to make an appointment. I was incredibly frustrated when I discovered the soonest I could get in for an appointment would be end of May. Waiting a month and a half to find out what was going on with me just wasn't an option. Luckily, one of my best friends' mom works as a nurse at this Women's Clinic and she was able to pull strings for me and get me an appointment for the following week.
I went in for my appointment and visited with my doctor. She assured me that a lot of women have painful ovulation cycles and that I probably didn't need to be concerned. But to be sure, she scheduled an ultrasound to check out my uterus and ovaries. She also sent me down to the lab to do some blood work.
I went in later that week for my ultrasound. They told me to come with a full bladder so they could try to do a transabdominal approach (rubbing the wand over your belly). Apparently a full bladder is somehow supposed to make the images clearer. They told me in advance, that they may be able to get what they needed from the transabdominal ultrasound, but if not, they would have to do a transvaginal ultrasound (inserting the probe into the vagina). So, I went in, laid down on the table, lifted my shirt a bit, and they rubbed the wand over my belly and didn't see much. So she then asked me to go "relieve myself" and take off my pants and underwear so we could do the transvaginal ultrasound. This procedure really wasn't bad. She talked to me throughout the whole thing, explaining what we were seeing on the screen. She said everything looked normal. She didn't see any cysts on my ovaries. She said she did see some fluid which could either mean that I had had a cyst that ruptured or that I had just recently ovulated. Since I had been charting my cycle, I knew that I had just ovulated, so the fluid was not concerning.
After my ultrasound, I got dressed and went and spoke to a nurse about the results of the blood work I had done earlier in the week. She said everything looked good. She said I'm immune to Fifth's Disease which was a concern of mine since I'm an elementary school teacher. She mentioned that the blood tests came back saying I was not immune to Rubella and that I should get a Rubella (MMR) vaccination as soon as possible (more on that later).
I ended up going home feeling pretty good about things. I thought this appointment might be just the thing I needed to confirm that my body IS "normal" and that I AM capable of conceiving a child. One less thing to stress about, right?
The First Few Months: August 2011-March 2012
The first few months after going off birth control, my husband and I didn't really try that hard to get pregnant. I stopped taking BC in August. We weren't specifically "trying" to conceive at that point, but we kind of had the mentality that if it happened, it happened. We were ready regardless.
In October, a friend of mine loaned me the book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." For those of you out there who are thinking about trying to get pregnant, this book is very informative. After reading the book, I decided to start charting my cycles (by checking my waking temp every morning and monitoring my cervical fluids).
During that same time, my husband and I booked a trip to California. We were going to go see some of his family out there for Christmas and also visit the Napa/Sonoma area while there. I've always wanted to go there, and being the wine lover that I am, I didn't really want to be pregnant while in Wine Country. So we decided to kind of put the baby thing on hold until after our trip. Now, let me specify that I had JUST started charting my cycle at that time, and hadn't yet figured things out. I made the assumption that I was one of those people who ovulate around day 14. So, we refrained from having sex days 10-15, but would then go ahead around day 16 or 17. I later started to see patterns in my cycle and realized I don't typically ovulate until day 17 or 18, which means I could have gotten pregnant during that time, but I didn't.
During our Cali trip, I got really sick with the stomach flu. I threw up more that week than I ever have in my life. After coming back home, I started to feel a little better than I was, but still felt nauseous every time I ate. I started to get my hopes up that maybe I was pregnant. So I took like 3 pregnancy tests, all of which were negative. A few weeks went by and my stomach was still bothering me on a semi-frequent basis. My period ended up coming, so I figured it was something other than pregnancy. I ended up going to the doctor and they said they thought I was suffering some long term effects from throwing up so much when I was sick. I'm not going to lie, I was really hoping (despite my period coming) that I would go to the doctor and find out that I was pregnant. Not the case. I ended up getting a couple pricey prescriptions for the nausea and soon got to feeling back to normal.
Once I was to the point where I didn't feel like throwing up every day (in January), the hubby and I REALLY started trying. I was still charting my cycle and during those fertile days, I was hopping his bones every chance I got. I actually started to worry that we might have been having TOO much sex. But the good news was we were both enjoying it! I was just sure we'd be pregnant right away! And then we weren't. So we tried again the next month. I just knew that was going to be the lucky month! Then it wasn't.
This started to become a trend. Every month, it would be a couple days before my expected period, and I would lay in bed at night analyzing my body. I would think, "Oh, I'm feeling kind of nauseous! I must be pregnant!" or "My boobs feel a little sore...I must be pregnant!" I would have all these symptoms (that were probably all in my head) and I just knew I had to be pregnant. Then my period would come. And it would be devastating. I've spent many mornings just sobbing in the shower after finding out, yet again, that this wasn't the month.
And of course, during this time I had coworkers and friends who were all getting pregnant. One night, one of the girls in my Book Club announced that she was pregnant. My initial reaction was pure excitement for her. Then she said, "It was our first try!!!" And then another girl in my Book Club, who has a one year old, added that when she got pregnant it was her first try too. This made me feel so much resentment toward them both. Why was it so easy for them when I had been trying since August? Along with the feeling of resentment, I was also feeling guilty for not being happy for her. This is something I've struggled with quite a bit since then. And I'm sure it's something I will probably continue to struggle with until I (hopefully) one day have my own child. Until then, I will do my best to play up my acting skills to the best of my abilities. I will put a smile on my face and buy baby gifts for my friends and maybe if I fake it enough, I can hopefully get to the place where I can be happy for those around me, despite my own heartbreak. Maybe, just maybe...
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Beginning - August 2011
My biggest fear since I can remember has always been that, for whatever reason, I wouldn't be able to have kids. I don't know if this is normal or not, but it's always been something that I've worried about.
With that being said, I've also always prided myself in the way my life has turned out. I'm a planner and so far my life really has gone according to plan. I knew in high school that I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, so when it was time to go off to college, I didn't really have any trouble with deciding what I wanted to major in. I went to college. I met the love of my life. I graduated. I got a job. Got married. Bought a house...I did all the things I wanted to in the order that I wanted to.
I've always wanted children...more than anything. But I always knew that I wanted them after all the above mentioned things took place. I wanted to be married first. I wanted to own a house.
So when we moved in to our new home in May of 2011, it seemed kids was the next step. My husband and I were both emotionally ready, but then came the question of whether or not we were financially ready. We had just made the largest investment of our lives. Were we really able to jump right in to parenthood? We gave ourselves a few months to think about it. And we surprisingly didn't have trouble making our monthly mortgage payment, and were even able to continue putting money into savings.
Come August, it was time for me to go in for my yearly well woman exam. My birth control prescription had expired and it sparked the baby conversation between my husband and me. We both decided at that time that we were ready. So I went in for my appointment, and for the first time in 8 years, I said, "No, I do not need to renew my prescription." My doctor and I then discussed prenatals, whether I could continue to take my current allergy meds, and other pregnancy related topics. I was excited.
Little did I know the long journey I would have ahead of me...
Almost a year later, here I am. Not a mom. Not pregnant. This blog is my story. And aren't all good stories supposed to have a happy ending? I guess I'm hoping if I write it all down, my Happily Ever After may one day come.
With that being said, I've also always prided myself in the way my life has turned out. I'm a planner and so far my life really has gone according to plan. I knew in high school that I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, so when it was time to go off to college, I didn't really have any trouble with deciding what I wanted to major in. I went to college. I met the love of my life. I graduated. I got a job. Got married. Bought a house...I did all the things I wanted to in the order that I wanted to.
I've always wanted children...more than anything. But I always knew that I wanted them after all the above mentioned things took place. I wanted to be married first. I wanted to own a house.
So when we moved in to our new home in May of 2011, it seemed kids was the next step. My husband and I were both emotionally ready, but then came the question of whether or not we were financially ready. We had just made the largest investment of our lives. Were we really able to jump right in to parenthood? We gave ourselves a few months to think about it. And we surprisingly didn't have trouble making our monthly mortgage payment, and were even able to continue putting money into savings.
Come August, it was time for me to go in for my yearly well woman exam. My birth control prescription had expired and it sparked the baby conversation between my husband and me. We both decided at that time that we were ready. So I went in for my appointment, and for the first time in 8 years, I said, "No, I do not need to renew my prescription." My doctor and I then discussed prenatals, whether I could continue to take my current allergy meds, and other pregnancy related topics. I was excited.
Little did I know the long journey I would have ahead of me...
Almost a year later, here I am. Not a mom. Not pregnant. This blog is my story. And aren't all good stories supposed to have a happy ending? I guess I'm hoping if I write it all down, my Happily Ever After may one day come.
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